Parting Chances (Fighting Chance #1) Read online

  I vaguely noticed Eli had wrapped his arm around me, running his hand up and down my arm trying to soothe me.

  Oh God, my mom was really gone.

  “Daddy, I’m on my way, okay,” I whispered to him. He couldn’t be alone right now.

  “Okay. Caleb and Emma are leaving on the first flight out…” He broke down again, unable to finish his sentence.

  “It’s okay, Daddy. I’ll be there in two hours. I love you.” I wiped the tears from my eyes and rolled from the bed, taking the stairs two at a time.

  “Please drive safe. I love you too. Bye, honey.” He ended the call before I could reply, which was probably for the best, because my heart broke every time I heard those muffled sobs from him.

  I wiped at my eyes and slipped into my shoes, vaguely aware that Eli had followed me. I turned to say goodbye, only to find him putting his shoes on too.

  “What are you doing?” My voice came out hoarse.

  “You aren’t going to drive back to Ridgeburg by yourself. Especially not after that phone call. I’ll drive you.” He took my coat from the rack and held it out for me. I slid my arms through and zipped it up.

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “I want to. You need someone right now. Let me be that someone.” He held his arms open for me. Two steps were all I needed to take to be wrapped up and let the Eli bubble soothe me.

  Two steps was all it took.

  I took those steps and fell against Eli as he wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly. I sobbed into his chest as he kissed the top of my head, murmuring comforts into my hair.

  We were in the car.

  We were in Eli’s car, and I wasn’t even sure how I got there.

  He stopped at my apartment and threw some clothes together for me. I had no idea what to wear. What do you wear when your mom dies?

  My hands wouldn’t stop shaking. Eli noticed and turned up the heat. But it wasn’t the cold that caused it. My body was in shock. My mind, my heart, my body… it was all just broken right now.

  My eyes were sore, but no more tears came. I was all cried out. I felt bad for not crying. Wasn’t that what one should do when their mom dies?

  Mom dies.

  Oh God. I choked back a sob that was trying to escape by pressing the back of my hand against my mouth. It didn’t help. I was now making horrible gut-wrenching sounds but still no tears. My breath was coming out in short gasps, and I was unable to get control of it.

  Is this a panic attack? Or am I dying?

  Dying…

  I noticed Eli shift. Felt the car slow and pull to the side of the road. Eli pulled me over into his arms. He was once again rubbing his hands up and down my back…my arms…my face, murmuring words of comfort that I couldn’t understand. But I didn’t care what he was saying. Just being in his arms was helping. My breath slowed. I breathed the calming scent of Eli in. My heart regulated itself. I was silent again.

  Yet I still couldn’t let go of Eli. I was afraid the world would crumble if I did. I sniffled into his chest and tried to bury my head deeper. He hands continued to move across my back, and he placed soft kisses in my hair.

  “I don’t think I can do it.” My voice was hoarse, those words being the first I’d spoken since we left his house.

  Eli stilled and pushed me back a little so he could look at my face. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and cupped my cheek with his hand. He stared intently at me for a few moments, not saying a word. I got self-conscious. I had to look like hell right now. He does not need to see me like this.

  I tried to bury my head back in his chest, but he grasped my face with both hands. I had no choice but to look back into those crystal blue eyes of his.

  “Don’t do that. Don’t try to hide the tears from me. You. Are. Beautiful.”

  His words broke me. Tears that I didn’t even think were possible for me to have still started rolling down my face. I threw my arms around him, burying my face in his neck.

  I’m not sure how long we sat there like that. Could have been minutes, could have been hours. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and it finally broke us apart. I stared at the screen, hands shaking again.

  Dad lit up the screen with his smiling, happy face in the background.

  I couldn’t talk to him right now. I just got done with crying…again. I didn’t want to start up for the hundredth time in the last hour. My eyes shot up to Eli, pleading with him to do something. Anything. At this point, I was tempted to just chuck the thing out the window.

  Eli gently pried the phone from my hand and answered it. “Hello, Mr. Cavanaugh.” He paused, listened, and spoke again. “It’s Eli. I’m driving her to your house right now.” Another pause. He nodded, his gaze locked just over my shoulder. “Yes, sir. I understand. I’ll let her know. Bye.” He pressed “end” and set the phone in the cup holder between us.

  “What? What did he want?” I choked out. Eli stared over my shoulder, seemingly avoiding eye contact with me.

  “Caleb’s flight was canceled. It’s a blizzard over on the East coast right now. They are unsure when the next flight out will be,” he said while tracing small circles on my arm. “He also said your mom’s funeral will be on the 31st. He said he’d explain everything when we got there.” He glanced at me, and I was shocked by the grief that was evident in his eyes. He was hurting because I was hurting, and I felt a part of my traitorous heart try to mend itself back together.

  No, I couldn’t let my heart heal. Not right now. Right now, it needs to be broken.

  “Okay. Can you please drive?” I whispered. I turned from him and placed my head against the cool window. The walls that Eli had managed to break through were slowly starting to build themselves back up.

  ***

  When we finally arrived at my parents’ house, I burst out of the car before it had even come to a complete stop. The house was quiet when I threw the door open; only the echo of it slamming against the wall could be heard.

  “Dad?” I asked into the silence. I moved into the living room, not even caring that I tracked snow through the house. Dad was sitting on the couch going through papers. He looked up when I entered, his eyes bloodshot, and his smile void of much happiness.

  “Haley, you’re here,” he said, his voice hoarse. He set the papers on the coffee table and held his arms out for me. Immediately, I fell into them and burrowed my head in his chest.

  We didn’t speak as we held each other. Only the ticking of the clock on the mantle interrupted the silence. I wasn’t sure how long we sat there before we heard the door open.

  “Haley? Mr. Cavanaugh?” Eli called out into the house. My body involuntarily responded to his voice. My fingers twitched to see him, to touch him, so he could heal my aching heart.

  “We’re in the living room,” Dad replied. He released me to pick up the papers from the coffee table. Eli rounded the corner, and before I could stop myself, I flew off the couch and was in his arms. He set my duffel bag by our feet before wrapping his arms around my waist, holding me closer. My eyes closed as I rested my head against his chest, breathed him in and let the beating of his heart soothe me.

  “Mr. Cavanaugh, I’m sorry….”

  As he spoke, my muscles slowly tensed. He couldn’t be here. My heart didn’t deserve to be happy right now. Feeling comfort in his arms felt like a blow to my stomach. My mom died, and all I can do is rest in this man’s arms.

  What is wrong with me?

  “I want you to leave,” I whispered. Eli tensed and stepped back a little, a questioning look in his eyes.

  “Haley,” my dad started, but I shook my head and stepped back from Eli.

  “No, I want Eli to leave. He doesn’t belong here. I don’t want him here.” I looked down at my feet, catching the shimmer of the necklace Eli had given me just hours earlier. I reached behind my neck, unclasped it and held it out to him. “I can’t be your something more.” My gaze moved to his chest, but I still avoided his eyes. I knew if I had looked
up, I would have changed my mind. The room was silent for a moment, and I could feel both pairs of eyes on me. Finally Eli spoke.

  “Um…okay,” he paused, and I felt him take a step toward me. I panicked, and my body tensed up again, the necklace swinging in my hand. Eli noticed and stopped moving. “Okay. Well, the necklace is yours. I won’t take it back.” He turned and started walking toward the door, pausing in the entryway. “Take care, Haley.” His voice cracked on my name and my heart broke into even more pieces.

  You did that, Haley. You told him to leave. You did this to yourself.

  Dad moved off the couch and followed Eli to the door. I heard them whisper to each other but couldn’t make out what they were saying. Not that I wanted to. I just wanted to mourn my mother and wallow in my broken heart. I didn’t need the beacon of light that was Eli. I took a seat back on the couch and stared at the necklace Eli wouldn’t take. With trembling fingers, I set it into my hand and closed my fist around it, squeezing it tightly so the charm pinched into my skin.

  There, pain. That’s what I deserve to feel.

  I heard the crunch of the snow as his car pulled away from the house before the front door closed and my dad came back to the couch.

  “I know you’re upset right now, but you—”

  “Nope. Please don’t give me a lecture right now.” I cut him off and was tempted to put my fingers in my ears like a child just so I wouldn’t have to listen to him.

  “Okay, fair enough.” He didn’t fight me on it, probably because he had more on his mind than me and my boyfriend.

  Nope. Not boyfriend. You just made that clear as hell.

  My attention turned back to Dad as he picked up the papers he was looking at when I had come in.

  “What’s that?” I asked, inching closer to him so I could read the cursive writing. My heart almost stopped when I realized whose handwriting that was. “What does it say?”

  “Your mom left us her wishes.” He tilted the paper so I could see it was addressed to him, and after a quick scan, I saw she had everything laid out.

  “Why would she do that?” The thought of her writing out her wishes for after she died made me want to cry.

  “Haley, we’ve had months to plan this. We knew it was going to happen, and your mom made it easier on us by writing it all down. She knew what she wanted, and you know how she was when she had her mind made up,” he told me. But I was still stuck on one word he had said.

  Was. How she was. I hated this. I hated everything about this.

  “So what did she request?” I was afraid to ask.

  “She asked to be cremated…”

  “What?” I shouted, snatching the paper out of his hands and reading it over. “But…but…how am I supposed to say goodbye?” I mean, I knew I really didn’t want to see her lying in the casket, but that would have been the last time I would see her. I had prepared myself for that, and it was all taken away.

  “Haley, you know as well as I do that your mother would not want you to see her like that. You said your goodbye to her while she was warm and alive. That’s what you need to remember.” He tugged the papers from my hand and set them next to him. Of course my mom would think of that, and of course she would be right. But that still didn’t stop the pain of knowing I truly would never see her again.

  “Okay, what else?” I mentally prepared myself for more bad news that Dad was surely to give. In the back of my mind, I recalled what Eli had said in the car after talking to my dad. But quickly pushed the memory away because thinking of Eli right now just added to the grief.

  “She doesn’t want a funeral.” Dad held up his hand as I opened my mouth. “It’s her wish. She never liked when people were sad, so she planned a celebration of life. Everyone will come here, and we’ll remember the good times. Haley, your mom had this planned for months. I’m not sure if she knew she wasn’t going to make it to the end of the year, or if she thought she would, then she’d be around for it too, but she sent the invitations out…”

  “She sent invitations out to her own funeral?” My mom had always been a planner, but this was just ridiculous.

  “You know she liked to give people time to prepare for things. You know she was thinking how inconvenient her death would be on the ones that lived farther away, so yes, she sent out invitations to her celebration of life.” Dad used air quotes around that, apparently still having a hard time with it like I was.

  “But what about all the people who only knew her, but probably wouldn’t be in our freaking address book? Are they not allowed to grieve too?” I knew for a fact that this town loved my mom. They had come together multiple times in the past to raise money for medical bills. I’m sure they weren’t in the address book so probably didn’t receive any invitations. And it wasn’t like my mom to make people upset.

  “They can come. This was more of the out-of-town people. But the invitation is open for anyone. The town knows she passed; news spreads quickly, especially when the neighbors saw the coroner's vehicle parked out front. We’ve already received a casserole and a pie in the last three hours, and the phone had been ringing non-stop up until you got here.”

  Of course she had planned everything out, down to the last detail. I wanted to yell at her for being so organized, and not letting us have to deal with the struggle of putting everything together. But I couldn’t because she had thought about us too. She was giving us all the time to mourn her, without having to add more grief onto the pile by dealing with funeral arrangements.

  “I want to be mad at her for planning all this out while she was alive. For thinking about her death long enough that she had time to do this, but I can’t. I can’t be mad because this is who she is…was. A compassionate woman, who hated inconveniencing anyone.” I couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped. “Even in death, she’s still that woman.”

  Dad gave out a laugh with me, but it was short lived as the silence of the house settled over us again.

  I finally took off my coat and leaned back into my dad. “Are we going to be okay?” I knew he didn’t have an answer for that, but I needed some reassurance.

  He wrapped his arm around me and gave me a squeeze. “We’re going to be okay,” he whispered.

  “Hi, there. Thank you for coming.” I shook the hundredth hand today as I stood next to Dad in the entryway of the house.

  “Honey, you know you don’t have to stand here with me. Go mingle. Go find your friends. Go eat something,” Dad said as he shook another person’s hand as they entered the house. I wasn’t sure if our house could hold much more people. I knew the town loved my mom, but this was slightly insane. I suppose the only thing to be grateful for was that it was a balmy fifty degrees outside, so people were able to overflow onto the deck or into the garage without freezing their butts off.

  I didn’t know what friends he was talking about, though. Kyler and Noah were in Florida, and I had pushed Eli away. The friends he must have been mentioning were high school acquaintances who only came today because they were home for winter break and their parents probably made them pay their respects. I hadn’t talked to any of them since we had graduated, aside from the few parties we had attended on breaks during the first year of college. But since then, it was all acquaintances on Facebook. Definitely not friends.

  “I think I’m going to take a breather,” I said and pointed down the hall to my room. Dad nodded and gave me a little push in the direction before turning back to a couple who had just entered the house. The hallway was empty of visitors, and I was able to make it to the end of the hall quickly. I turned into the room on the left, instead of into my bedroom.

  I was expecting their room to be empty, but Caleb sat on the edge of bed, staring at a picture. His eyes shot up when he heard the door click shut.

  “Hey,” he said as he rubbed at his eyes.

  “Hi.” I settled next to him, my arm pressed tightly against his. The picture he was holding was one from the pre-cancer days. I was six, and he was seven. We sat
in front of the Christmas tree, eyeing the presents excitedly. Our parents stood to the side, watching us. Dad’s smile was totally and completely directed toward Mom. He always did only have eyes for her. Mom’s eyes gleamed as she looked at us. It was clear she loved every moment of being our Mom.

  “We were lucky to have her,” I whispered.

  “Yeah.” His voice cracked. “We really were.” He slipped his arm around my shoulder and hugged me close.

  “Where’s Emma?”

  “She’s so much better at dealing with people than I am. If I hear one more, ‘I’m sorry for your loss,’ I’m going to crack.” His fingers flicked on my shoulder, almost like he wanted to punch something.

  “So you left her to deal with them?”

  “She told me to take a breather. I probably should go back out there, though.” He nodded to the door but didn’t make a move.

  Yeah, there was no denying Caleb and I were siblings. We both needed a breather, and the first spot we thought to take it was in our parents’ room.

  “Are we going to be okay?” My voice quivered over the words. I needed the strength of my superhero big brother right now. I needed him to tell me things would be just fine.

  “Doesn’t feel like it right now.”

  “No, those are definitely not the words I was looking for.” I elbowed him lightly in the stomach, which only produced a small chuckle from him.

  “I know. I’m sorry.” He pulled me close again. Whether for my comfort or his own, I wasn’t sure. But it felt safe in my brother’s arms. We held each other for a few minutes, silently remembering our mom. He pulled away first and stood.

  “I should get out there and find Em.” He laced his fingers through mine and squeezed. “We are going to be okay, Hales. Promise.” With that, he left.

  I thumbed away the tears on my cheeks and looked around the room. I hadn’t been in here since I had said goodbye to Mom. It looked like it had for most of my life. The bed was neatly made, the curtains pulled back, letting the light shine in. The bookcase was moved back near the window by the chair that Meg had occupied for the last month. Every trace of medical equipment was gone. Dad had told me they had done it right after Mom passed. Meg had called her team, and they had everything loaded into a hospice van within an hour.