Parting Chances (Fighting Chance #1) Page 19

  I skimmed my finger across the top of the dresser Mom and Dad shared. All her things were still on top, nice and neat. I lifted her bottle of perfume to my nose and breathed in deep. Her scent overpowered me, making me feel almost as if she was still in the room. There were so many traces of her still in this room; I knew I didn’t want to be here when Dad would have to do the dreaded task of boxing everything up. But I set the perfume bottle to the side, knowing it was coming home with me.

  I moved to her side of the bed and sat down, lifting her pillow to my face. It smelled of lavender and vanilla, which was the scent of their laundry soap. Of course Dad would have washed the sheets. Who would want to sleep on the sheets where someone died? Plus, Mom had that sterile hospital smell to her in this last month, so it wasn’t as if the pillow would have smelled like I remembered her. I was tempted to spritz some of her perfume but thought that might be too much for my dad.

  After placing the pillow back on the bed, I kicked off my heels and lay back, staring up at the ceiling. My “breather” was taking longer than I had thought it would. I’m sure there were people out there that wanted to express their condolences to me, or worse, tell me some memory of my mom that they’d never forget. There were only so many, “She was such a lovely woman. I remember when she…” stories I could take today.

  There was a soft knock on the bedroom door, and I squeezed my eyelids tight. Someone had seen me come in and was going to ask if I was okay. I just knew it. I held my breath and didn’t answer as the knock came again, hoping whoever it was would think they were mistaken at seeing me enter the room. The knocking stopped, and I peeked through my eyelashes to the door, noticing the knob turn.

  Dang.

  The door opened and the two people I least expected to see were standing there.

  “Kyler? Noah? What are you doing here?” I breathed.

  “Figured you’d be hiding,” Kyler said as she tugged Noah into the room and closed the door behind them. She eyed the bed next to me, lifting her brow slightly with an unspoken question. It wasn’t the first time the three of us had been in my parents’ bed together. Whenever Mom was in the hospital when I was younger, I’d always end up here, with Kyler and Noah at my side.

  I patted the bed, and Kyler crawled into bed next to me, Noah getting in next to her. She slipped her hand in mine and gave it a squeeze but said nothing. It was so nice being around people who knew me. Who knew when I needed to talk about something and when I just needed silent comfort. These two had been with me through everything that had happened in my life and always knew exactly what to do. But I was still confused.

  “Seriously, aren’t you supposed to be in Florida? How did you even know?” I had made a point to not call them so they wouldn’t have to cut their vacation short. I guess I got that from my mom, not wanting to inconvenience anyone.

  “Okay, first of all, we won’t even discuss why you didn’t call us and tell us. Because we know you, and we know why you didn’t,” Noah scolded me.

  “And secondly, don’t you think our parents wouldn’t have called us? They’ve been friends with your parents for ages,” Kyler finished off.

  Oh, right, how had I forgotten about that? “But still, that doesn’t answer why you’re here. You should be in Florida for another week and a half.”

  “Hales, really?” Noah scoffed.

  “You think we’d rather be on vacation, than here with you? Right now? When you need us?” Kyler once again finished what Noah was thinking.

  “I just…” I shrugged. “We knew this was coming, so I guess it’s not that big of a shock.”

  “Haley, we are your best friends. Your mom just passed away. Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, you need us,” Kyler said and bumped my shoulder with hers.

  “And you need us now, so we’re here,” Noah added.

  “So when did your parents call you?”

  “Well, they called us yesterday morning—” Noah began.

  “But it was Eli who called us Monday night,” Kyler finished, cutting Noah off.

  Oh, Eli. Of course.

  “What time Monday night?” I was curious.

  “After he dropped you off. He said he was on his way to a hotel.” This came from Noah. I didn’t need to turn my head to know that Kyler was glaring at me.

  “Hotel?” I asked, confused.

  “Yeah, Hales. After you kicked him out, said you never wanted to see him again, and broke his heart, he still didn’t want to leave you. So he got a room at a hotel. We met up with him this morning. We told him to come here, but he figured you didn’t want to see him. He finally went home after we reassured him we’d take care of you and get you back home.” Kyler’s voice rose. She was mad at me, and she had every right to be. Eli had been nothing but nice to me from the freaking day I met him, and when my life got too hard for me, I took it out on him. He didn’t deserve it, and I didn’t deserve him. But clearly he still cared, and that just made my heart ache more.

  “He probably hates me now,” I mumbled.

  “What part of what I said makes you think he hates you? He stayed even after you told him you didn't want him here.”

  I’m pretty sure Kyler rolled her eyes as she said it to me.

  “I think how he feels about you is the complete opposite of hate,” she went on. “That boy lo—”

  “Stop. Just stop. I don’t want to, nor can I hear that right now.” That time, I did pull the inner seven-year-old out and plugged my fingers into my ears.

  “Mature, Hales.” Kyler’s muffled voice made it to my ears.

  “What? Just because I am so not ready for that conversation? Can we just please change the subject?”

  “What’s that?” Kyler changed the subject quicker than I thought she would, and I turned my head to see what she was looking at. Her eyes were zeroed in on my neck. My hand quickly went up to cover the necklace that I had returned there this morning. “No, wait, is that a…Wonder Woman charm?” Kyler picked it up and looked at it closely. “It is!” she laughed. “Where did you get this from?”

  “Eli,” I whispered. I still wasn’t sure why I put it on again, but when I saw it sitting on the dresser this morning, the need to wear it was so strong. And truth be told, it may have even brought me comfort throughout the day.

  “Eli gave this to you? For Christmas?” Kyler asked. I nodded, tucking that charm back under my shirt. “Why Wonder Woman?”

  “It doesn’t matter, okay.” I snapped at her. Not wanting the conversation of Eli to come up again.

  “Okay,” Noah said, and we sat there in silence for a few minutes. Finally, Noah spoke up again. “Remember when…”

  Oh no, not a ‘remember when’ story.

  “…we built that fort by the creek? And we all fell into the water, getting our clothes soaked and muddy? And this was after Kyler’s mom threatened to ground her if she came home dirty one more time. So we ran back to your house, Hales, and Kyler was crying saying she’d never see us again, and we’d better have a spectacular life without her.”

  “I really said spectacular?” Kyler asked with a laugh.

  “Oh yeah, you were big on vocabulary at seven. And slightly over-dramatic.” I chuckled with her.

  Noah continued. “Your mom intercepted us and just laughed about our clothing, telling us to strip out of the muddy mess on the deck while she gathered up some clothes for us to wear.”

  “I thought she was the coolest person in the world because she didn’t yell at us or anything. She just gave us new clothes and washed our dirty ones. And gave us popsicles to eat out on the deck while we hid from my mom while the laundry was going. She saved me from getting grounded for the whole summer.” Kyler smiled at the memory.

  “More than once too! I swear we didn’t know how to play without getting dirty.” I laughed.

  “Well, my mom shouldn’t have been so strict about cleanliness. I mean, we were kids for crying out loud!” Kyler threw her hands up to make her point.

  �
��I’m also pretty sure she told your mom all about our adventures whenever they talked,” I said as I recalled the phone conversations my mom had nightly with her friends.

  “Really? Why didn’t my mom ever say anything? Why the hell did I never get grounded?” Kyler questioned.

  “Probably because it felt like we were getting away with something, and they knew it,” Noah answered.

  “Those sneaky, sneaky moms of ours,” Kyler mumbled. Noah and I murmured our agreement.

  “I miss her,” I said after a few moments of silence.

  “You’ll always miss her, Hales,” Noah said.

  “But just remember all the good memories. There are so many. Your mom was amazing.” Kyler gripped my hand. “I’m sure one day it’ll get easier. But for now, you have us to lean on, to remember the good times with. Your dad and Caleb are still here too. We all remember her, and we’ll never let her spirit die.”

  A tear trickled out of the corner of my eye, and I turned to face Kyler. She had tears streaming down her face too. I had forgotten just how much my mom meant to these two amazing friends of mine.

  “Thank you for being here. I really need you,” I admitted, feeling something lift off my chest for the first time in days.

  “Always, Hales,” Kyler said and buried her head into my shoulder.

  “Yeah,” Noah said. He reached across Kyler and grabbed my free hand. “Always.”

  I had spent a week at my dad’s place before he packed my bag for me and told me it was time to get on with my life. So I came home and immersed myself in work, taking up as many shifts as I could to keep my mind off everything else. I hadn’t seen or spoken to Eli in two weeks, and classes started back up in two days. Of course I wondered whether we had a class together again. I wanted to ask Noah if he knew his schedule, but I knew what he would say to me.

  “Just talk to the guy.” Noah and Kyler had both said it on many occasions over the last two weeks. But how do you just talk to a guy you had been incredibly rude to? Plus, I had totally destroyed any potential relationship we had started.

  My phone rang, and Kyler’s face flashed on the screen.

  “Hello?” I asked, afraid she was going to lecture me like she typically did whenever she saw Eli at the guys’ house.

  “Are you coming to the party tonight?” she asked. I heard bottles clang together in the background, then a muffled voice ask Kyler something. “No, just put them in the cooler,” she answered whoever was in the room with her.

  “No, Ky. I told you this before.” I was slightly annoyed that she kept pestering me about it, but I wasn’t ready to go to the guys’ house yet.

  “Hales, when are you just going to suck it up and come back over here? And when are you going to talk to Eli?”

  “I don’t know, Ky. When I’m ready? Maybe we have some classes together this year…” I said it like a question, hoping she’d get the point and ask him for me. She got the point all right.

  “Haley Cavanaugh, if you want to know Eli’s schedule, you call him and ask him yourself. You need to stop moping around. You know your mom wouldn’t want that.” She hung up before I could respond. It was pretty shitty of her to bring up my mom, but she knew what she was talking about. Mom always said she wanted me to be happy, and I was anything but.

  Frustrated, I tossed the phone on my bed and wandered out into the kitchen. I was bored and in desperate need of something to do. These were usually the moments I hung out with Kyler or headed to the guys’ house to hang with Eli. That wasn’t going to happen, so what could I do?

  A walk was out of the option, though I really needed the fresh air. But after that small warm streak, the weather took a turn like it typically did, and we hovered at just above zero. But fresh air sounded nice, even for a second. Kyler hadn’t been home for the last two days and I was working doubles, so no one had checked the mail. A quick walk to the end of the parking lot might be what I needed to clear my head.

  I slid my shoes on my feet and figured the hoodie I wore would give me enough warmth for the quick outing. The key to the mailbox hung on a hook in the small entryway. I grabbed it as I opened the door.

  Holy freaking freezing. The icy air hit me hard on the face. My lungs hurt from the small breath I took. Okay, so this was looking like it would be a jog to the mailbox. Thank goodness the stairs and parking lot weren’t covered in ice. My legs burned as I ran down the stairs and to the end of the lot. Clearly, yoga pants were not the best option today. When I got to the mailboxes, my fingers trembled as I took the key out of my pocket, the winter air biting at my hands.

  Yeah, this was definitely a stupid idea. I didn’t need the mail this badly.

  I yanked the stack of envelopes and fliers from the box and quickly locked it up. Then I sprinted back to the apartment, slamming the door behind me when I entered.

  “So c-cold,” I stuttered to the empty room. After kicking my shoes off, I wrapped a flannel blanket around my shoulders. Then I took a seat and started flipping through the mail.

  Junk, junk, bill, junk, bill… My hands froze as one envelope held my attention. I knew the handwriting and thought I’d never see it again. But there I was, sitting in my apartment, holding a letter from my mom.

  With shaky hands, I discarded the rest of the mail onto the floor and slowly ran my finger under the envelope flap. Grasping the pages between my fingers, I pulled the stationary out and folded the letter open on my lap.

  My dearest Haley,

  I know you’re receiving this letter at probably the most difficult time in your life thus far. And again, I will say that I am so sorry I had to leave you. Obviously if I could do this all over again, I would wish for no cancer, but that’s not the way life works, right?

  You’ve had to grow up too fast because of this, and that’s not fair. It’s not fair that life dealt you a difficult hand. But there isn’t anything we can do about it. You live, you learn, you move on.

  You. Move. On.

  I know this is going to be the most difficult part for you, moving on without me, but you need to do it. And you should start quickly. Mourn me. Miss me. Cry, yell, scream. Do whatever you need to do. That’s fine, but don’t close yourself off. Don’t close yourself off from the people who love you.

  You’re angry, I’m sure. But talk to someone. Talk to Dad, or Caleb (after all, he lost his mom too). They know what you’re going through. Believe me, they do. Your friends, your amazing friends will always be there for you. Do not shut down. Do not hide from life. Move forward.

  I know there are things you only talk to me about, to get the motherly advice. I’m so sorry I can’t be there to help you through those issues anymore. But if you still need that motherly advice, you know, without hesitation, you can turn to Kyler’s mom or Noah’s mom. They’ve been there for you since you were young. I know for a fact they think of you as their surrogate child. Just as I think of Kyler and Noah as mine. No, it won’t be the same, but it’ll still be motherly advice straight from the heart.

  Haley, honey, I know you tried to keep your heart protected. I know you feared it would break into a million pieces once I was gone. And I don’t doubt that it has. But you can’t just be broken-hearted forever. You can’t feel bad for letting your heart love. You can’t feel bad for not feeling sad all the time. I don’t want you to feel sad. I want nothing more than for you to be happy. I want you to laugh. I want you to live. I want you to love.

  Love with all your heart, Haley. And don’t be afraid to let someone in. Let them help you put your pieces back together, to make your heart whole again. Let them fill the holes that are left gaping from me leaving. No one can replace me, and they don’t need to. You just need love, and eventually, it’ll all come together.

  This leaves me with one more thing. Eli. Call it a mother’s intuition, but I know you’ve pushed him away. Either right before I passed or right after, but I know you did. I can’t even say anything, because I knew you would. You wouldn’t be my Haley if you weren’t stubb
orn.

  That boy, from what you’ve told me about him, loves you. Whether it started as a friendship love, it has moved on to something more. And whether you want to believe these words or not, you’re in love with him too. How do I know? Because I’m your mother, and I know these things. Ha! But really, you should see how you light up when you talk about him. You should hear how your breath quickens when you even think about him. And just the fact that for the first time in your entire life, you called me multiple times to talk about him…that’s a huge giveaway.

  You are utterly in love with this boy, and it scares you. It scares you so much you did the only thing you knew, and that was push him away.

  There is only one thing left to do, and do it quickly. Put this letter down, get in your car and go find Eli. Tell him you’re sorry (I know those will be tough words to say), tell him you’re scared. Tell him you love him. Do it now, do it today, do it before you can’t do it anymore.

  With that, I’ll leave you with this.

  You, my Haley, are my shining star. Everything you have done and will do in your life has made me so proud of you. Know that I am always in your heart.

  I will love you forever.

  -Mom

  I placed the letter down and wiped at the tears that had cascaded down my face since the opening line. Of course, if my mother had planned her own funeral, she would have planned to do something like this. She must have written this a while ago though, because she didn’t mention meeting Eli. I could only imagine what she would have said if she wrote this after they met!

  Of course, she was right. Since I got home, I had focused solely on work. I took up as many shifts as I could, thinking they would distract me. If I wasn’t at work, I was curled in bed, ignoring the calls from my friends and family.

  And I lashed out at Eli because he was there that night. He was there taking care of me, and I acted ungrateful. My fingers ran aimlessly along the chain of the necklace Eli gave me that I still hadn’t taken off. They paused on the charm when it hit me—I let the one thing that was physically and emotionally helping me through the whole situation go.